Being a Mary Homeschool Mom, Not a Martha (Luke 10:38-42)

The story of Mary and Martha from Luke 10:38-42 is one that is familiar to most women. It is generally used to show the difference in the focus of the two: Mary focused on Christ and Martha focused on earthly concerns. While this story has nothing to do with homeschooling, it is one of my favorite Bible passages that inspires, teaches, and encourages me as a homeschool mom.

All too often I find myself on the Martha side of the equation. In fact my overwhelming Martha tendencies led me down the path to learn how to be more of a Mary. So what would Mary and Martha be like if they were homeschool mothers?

Mary

• Focuses on the hearts and character of herself and her children
• Uses academics to point to God
• Shows the patience and love of God through her attitude and how she deals with academic struggles
• Prays over her homeschool every day
• Prioritizes good habits in spiritual, physical, and emotional matters
• Makes her homeschool one of restful learning

Martha

• Focuses on academic standards and how well her children are doing academically
• Uses academics to point to future career plans
• Shows the wrath and judgment of God through her attitude and how she deals with academic struggles
• Too busy to consistently pray or spend time in Bible study
• Prioritizes keeping up with other homeschoolers, public school, or private schools
• Makes her homeschool one of deadlines, worry, and stress.

After reading these lists, I still find myself with a majority of affirmatives on the Martha side. But the wonderful part of Mary and Martha’s story is that Jesus doesn’t condemn Martha for her request for assistance. Jesus merely tells her that what Mary is doing is better, more important, than Martha’s concerns.

I believe the same is true of Homeschool Mary and Homeschool Martha. Martha’s focus and concerns are not necessarily bad, but they aren’t as beneficial and eternity-focused as Mary’s. That thought helps this Martha breathe a sigh of relief. I can still be a Martha; I just need to choose the good. Sit at Jesus’ feet more. Alter my focus more. I need to focus on being a Mary more every day because there is something better out there for my homeschool and my children if I choose to be Mary.

Check out what other verses inspire the bloggers at iHomeschool Network:

What Bible verse has been the most inspirational in your homeschool journey?

Chelli

The Hidden Gems Found in Homeschoolers’ Mistakes

I’ve always been the type of person who learns best from the bad examples of others. I don’t need to hear about the person who got it right; I want to read about the person who got it wrong. I remember and apply those lessons much better. I’m assuming some of you might be the same way as well, so I asked homeschoolers from all different stages of the homeschool journey, from beginners to those who have homeschool graduates, one question: what are your top three homeschooling mistakes? The answers were uncannily similar, insightful, and absolutely convicting. 

I found myself nodding my head so many times as I read their replies, so the first thing I want all of us to learn is that homeschooling mistakes are normal, and they are usually the same mistakes that homeschoolers before you have made as well. Hopefully this post will help us learn the right mindset and attitude to have as we homeschool so we can minimize the mistakes we make. In no particular order here are the compiled results of the homeschooling mistakes made by the experts.

Mistakes in Expectations

It’s so difficult when you are the person solely responsible for your child’s education not to feel the weight of that tremendous burden. Usually this manifests itself in having unrealistic expectations. One of the most common answers I received had to do with expectations: expecting all of their children to learn the same way, expecting too much academically of their children too soon, expecting independent learners before they were ready, expecting them to love the subjects you love and learn the way you learn. Expectations inevitably set us up for failure because life rarely fulfills our expectations. Adjust your expectations to reality, not your wish list.

Lesson to Be Learned: Fluid, individualized, expectations that are reassessed on a regular basis are much more realistic.

Quote From a Homeschool Expert: {One of my biggest mistakes is} letting my ego get wrapped up in the academic success of my kids. It's tempting and oh so easy when your life is homeschooling, but it also means that failure becomes personal blows, struggles are frustrating, and the successes are not given their proper context.

Mistakes in Curriculum/Methodology

As a curriculum addict I found this response to be the most common and the most convicting. The homeschool experts had quite a bit to say about curriculum and none of them said they wished they had more! They all said that they had too much, but the reasons for that varied. Some were trying to buy ahead so they bought every level only to regret that decision when the curriculum stopped being a good fit. Some tried to “do it all” and bought enough curriculum to accomplish that task only to find it sitting on the shelf. Misconceptions about using curriculum were regretted as well, such as curriculum hopping from one thing to another instead of sticking it out. Also being a slave to the curriculum or methodology instead of adapting it to your child and following their interests.

Lesson to Be Learned: Curriculum is a tool, use it as such. Don’t let it tie you or your child down.

Quote From a Homeschool Expert: {My number one mistake was} desperately trying to fit ourselves to a method instead of making the method fit us.

Mistakes in the Research Phase

I fell into this trap for many, many years. I call it chasing the perfect. If I find the perfect curriculum, if I have the perfect schedule, if I have the perfect school room, etc., then I can guarantee success. Reading the answers to my question, I discovered I’m not the only one who fell into this trap. Everyone agreed that the fear of messing up led to a lot of problems during the research phase of homeschooling. One homeschool mom even called it “analysis paralysis”, which I thought was perfect. Analyzing everything about homeschooling to the nth degree instead of actually doing something for fear that you will make the wrong choice. All the moms who’d made this mistake talked about the anxiety that comes along with it.

Lesson to Be Learned: You should research before you begin homeschooling or before you start a new school year. It’s always wise to know what you are getting into, but limit the time you spend in this phase. There are no guarantees in homeschooling and perfection does not exist.

Quote From a Homeschool Expert: {My mistake was} overcomplicating things - looking at every possible curriculum in an attempt to find what is THE best, and then stewing over decisions, and second guessing myself, and then going back and spending hours researching other curriculum, and spending oodles of time weighing the pros and cons of everything, to the point that I don't have the energy I need to get down to business.  {I should have} just started DOING and spent less time 'researching and reading'.  I made my best discoveries by digging in and testing and experimenting with my kids.  I should have been more hands-on. 

Mistakes in Personal Care

This one has been on my radar recently and I have been working toward implementing some changes in my life. When I saw how often this popped up as one of the biggest mistakes homeschool parents had made, I knew I needed to be even more diligent. Just like with an airplane oxygen mask, if we don’t take care of ourselves first, it is difficult to impossible to take care of our family and teach our children. One day this homeschool job will be over and we need to make sure that we have not let ourselves get lost in the process.

Lesson to Be Learned: Take time to do things for yourself that you enjoy and that will keep you physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy.

Quote From a Homeschool Expert: {My homeschool mistake was} not scheduling time for me to regenerate and refresh ("me time") rather than being haphazard about it.  It would have headed off burnout. On a related note, not asking for help/accountability for taking better care of myself.  If I had an accountability buddy to make sure I did the self-care before I needed it, I would not have had such a difficult time.

Mistakes in Scheduling

The responses in this area were a little mixed, but the overwhelming majority seemed to fall on the side of wishing they had been more scheduled because they saw the correlation to more productivity. Homeschool parents that were farther down the road repeatedly said that they wished they had been more strict and consistent with school times. They felt that they had been too soft and gave in too much when the kids wanted time off. It had bred laziness and a lack of progress. They wished they had helped their children realize that not everything is fun, and even when you don’t want to do things many times, you still have to do them.  One mom even said that being too flexible with their homeschool time had done nothing but tie them into knots!

Lesson to Be Learned: At some point your child will have to begin a consistent school routine, better to train them to do that now than later.

Quote From a Homeschool Expert: I started off thinking not creating a strict school calendar meant we would have more freedom and be more efficient. The opposite was actually true. Creating a calendar had all of us working harder and more efficiently and our vacations were well-earned. We ended up being far more productive long term.

Mistakes in the Home

I don’t know of any homeschooler who hasn’t asked at some point, “How do I take care of my home?!?” Many answers to my question dealt with some aspect of the home life. The physical home was cited as an area when it came to wishing they had decluttered more and been more consistent with chores. Others talked about taking time to nurture relationships in the home, especially with their children, relating to their children as a parent and not as a teacher all the time. One mom talked about taking off her teacher hat, while other moms said that they shouldn’t have made everything be school or educational.

Lessons to Be Learned: Take time every day to focus on the “home” in your homeschool.

Quote From a Homeschool Expert: {My biggest mistake is} forgetting to enjoy my kids.  That's mistake one, two, and three. Academics are important but my first job as a mother is to love my kids and that requires a good relationship.  Sometimes that got sacrificed in the name of "education". 

Mistakes with Children

I read a quote on a blog a while back {I wish I could remember which one!} that basically said, “How you respond to your child when they struggle with a math problem for the 10th time is what you will teach them about how God responds to them when they continually make mistakes as well.” It was unbelievably humbling to say the least. Quite a few homeschool moms cited their reaction to their children’s struggles as one of their biggest homeschooling mistakes. Some felt it was so severe that it actually damaged relationships. Some moms said they should have worked more on character training and obedience during the early years.

Lessons to Be Learned: Frustration and angry words can damage a child. Take a break, count to 100, or read a book, but don’t wound them with your reaction.

Quote From a Homeschool Expert: {My mistake was} working for perfection - anything that was wrong we corrected. My kids translated that into a belief that they can only win my approval by being perfect - not even close to true. {I did} not emphasize how hard work counts as much or more than talent.  I think this would have helped my kid to not feel so inferior as well as encourage my more academically talented kids to have higher goals and be more proactive for their futures.

Mistakes in Self-Confidence

When you go against the grain, it’s easy to let negative voices into your head, to start doubting your path and your decision to home educate. Even the experts aren’t immune from these feelings, but none of them said that these voices were correct. In fact all of them said that one of their mistakes was listening to the voice of doubt. This can manifest itself in comparing your children and your homeschool to the public school or to other homeschoolers. A few even said that there biggest mistake was letting their kids go back to public school or waiting too long to pull them out. A couple of homeschoolers talked about caring too much what others thought of their child’s progress and second guessing their ability to teach their child.

Lessons to Be Learned: Your decision to homeschool is YOUR family’s decision. Stop listening to any other voice. Trust your instincts.

Quote From a Homeschool Expert: {My biggest mistake is} comparing! To public schoolers, to other homeschoolers, to the other sibling... It's never good.

In a nutshell, here is my big takeaway from the homeschool experts: 1) it’s all about balance and 2) we get in the most trouble when we forget that our homeschool should reflect our individual children and our family. Almost all of these mistakes can be avoided if we balance between the extremes of scheduling, curriculum, and self care while letting the uniqueness of our children and family guide our expectations and homemaking while being confident in our choice to homeschool. No problem, right? I wish. It’s a daily struggle, but you are in good company. We’ve all been there.

What’s your biggest homeschool mistake?

Let me know in the comments.

Check out what other expert homeschool advice my fellow iHomeschool Network bloggers have found for you. Just click on the picture below:

Learning from those who’ve gone before me is my favorite way to learn in the tree house,

Please Don’t Take My Scholé Away!

How to Keep Restful Teaching in Your Homeschool

One of the most misunderstood ideas when people talk about scholé or teaching from rest is that your homeschool is an island of peaceful tranquility. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Teaching from rest has more to do with the teacher’s state of mind than any external circumstances.

One of my favorite Bible passages illustrates what teaching from rest looks like in reality. In Matthew 14:22-33, the story is told of a storm during which Jesus comes to the disciples by walking across the water to their boat. They are initially frightened, but once Peter realizes it’s Jesus, he asks if he can walk on the water as well. Jesus tells him to get out of the boat, and Peter begins to walk on water just like Jesus is, but then he notices the wind, becomes afraid, and starts to sink.

Teaching from rest and scholé work exactly the same way. Our daily lives may look like a storm of toddlers and babies, tweens and teens, cooking and cleaning, math and handwriting, but our hearts and minds are at rest and peaceful, walking on the water. If we begin to focus on the storm, though, we quickly begin to sink and scholé goes right out the window.

I know that I find our homeschool flowing well and, before I know it, stress and anxiety begin to creep back into our day. Incorporating scholé into your homeschool is not a one and done proposition, but a constant striving. Thankfully I’ve been through this cycle enough that I know to expect it. Here are the four key areas I look at to make sure that I’m being proactive with scholé maintenance to stay in that sweet ‘walking on water’ spot of teaching from rest. If you are feeling a little like Peter sinking into the ocean, you might see how you’re doing in these four areas as well.

Personal Spiritual Health

I’m sure we’ve all heard it mentioned when talking about the story of Peter walking on the water that when he takes his eyes off of Jesus to focus on the storm around him, that is when he begins to sink. Restful teaching has the exact same correlation. When I begin to skip my morning devotionals or procrastinate spending time with the Lord in Bible study and prayer, my focus quickly turns to the storm. Once I focus on the storm, rest and scholé make a quick exit. The first area that I give attention to if I feel I’m losing that restful feeling is my personal spiritual health. Am I spending quality time and quantity time with Jesus? Am I studying my Bible? Am I praying? Am I praising and giving thanks to Him? How I answer these questions can be a HUGE help in determining why I feel exhausted and stressed about our homeschool.

Perceived Milestones

I haven’t met a homeschooler yet who hasn’t fallen into this trap: comparing your child’s education to another’s. We compare our child to other homechoolers. We compare our child to public and private school students. And inevitably there is some category, some perceived milestone, that our child is not reaching as quickly or as advanced as another child. These milestones are not real. They are not based on YOUR child. They are contrived in our minds to feed that voice that whispers our greatest fear: you are failing your child.  If I begin to listen to that voice, this restful homeschool mom turns into the crazy, slave driver mom who feels an all encompassing desire to keep up with the educational Joneses. Sometimes I need to repeat to myself daily, “My children are going to be fine. I am educating them to the best of my ability.” Find your own mantra and keep that voice at bay!

Packed Schedule

Nothing can sink a homeschool mom quicker than a packed schedule. Shuffling children here and there multiple times and places a week is stressful for any parent, but for a mom who is trying to teach from rest, it can be kryptonite! How much is too much will depend upon your personality and comfort level, not to mention how many fast food dinners you can stand each week! I’m not going to tell you how many nights a week to have an activity is too many. That is totally a personal family choice. I will say, however, that sometimes in an effort to make sure our children participate in as much as possible, we forget that everyone in the family needs space and time for rest and leisure. Masterful inactivity as Charlotte Mason called it. I always make it a point to visibly write down how many days and nights we are on the go participating in extra-curriculars. If our week has four nights or more where we are committed to be out of the house, I start to scale back. Too much of a good thing is still too much.

Prerequisite Fail

Another Charlotte Mason gem that I ignored for too long is habit training. When you are in your house schooling and living, things can get messy and cluttered {that’s putting it mildly!} Nothing can throw off my teaching from rest mindset more than having to deal with house issues before we can even think about focusing on truth, beauty, and goodness. At times like these I know that I need to do a quick reminder lesson on my number one homeschool prerequisite: habit training. Not just for the kids, but for myself as well. Peace and rest for me have a lot to do with the state of our home as well. I don’t need perfection. I don’t need floors you can eat off of, but I do need relatively clutter free and walking space. All of us can slack off. All of us can skip some of our chores and habits here and there, but if it gets to be consistent and multiplied by more than one person, it becomes a problem that needs to be remedied for me to function from rest and for leisurely learning and contemplation to be present in our homeschool.

So far whenever I’ve found myself becoming more and more stressed and anxious, one or more of these key areas has been neglected for too long. It’s amazing the impact that these four things have on my peace of mind and, thus, our homeschool. If you find yourself seeking scholé, but finding it difficult to hold onto, you might take a look at these four areas as well.

Curious how my other Everyday Scholé blog buddies deal with keeping scholé and rest in their homeschools? Click below to read some great blog posts about it!

     

What areas keep you from teaching from rest in your homeschool?

Let me know in the comments.

Maintaining a restful mind and homeschool is a fulltime job in the tree house,

Technorati Tags: everyday schole,teaching from rest,homeschool encouragement

What Inspired Me at the Great Homeschool Convention

I’ve been back from Fort Worth for a few days now, and I’m still processing all of the amazing talks and encouragement I received over the three days I was there. Because I’m a generous soul, I wanted to share the highlights of each speaker I heard. I spent most of my time listening to lectures about a classical liberal arts education (since that’s our focus), but I also sat in on some lectures about problem based learning (since that’s something I want to add).

The Encouragement: Probably the most encouraging part of going to a homeschool convention is to see the huge amounts of parents and families that are homeschooling. Some people are just beginning, some people are in the thick of it, and some are finishing up their journey. I met one mom who had come all the way from California to investigate homeschooling because she had realized that the public schools were not doing an adequate job of educating her son. I happened to run into her on the last day and she had been so equipped that she was returning to California feeling that this was something she could do. It’s always beneficial to be surrounded by people of a like mind when it comes to educational decisions that can remind you why you started and where you will end.

The Challenge: I’ve got two words when it comes to the challenge of a homeschool convention: vendor hall. So much awesome homeschool curriculum all right there for you to peruse and purchase. It’s difficult to keep your wits and your wallet about you when the new and the shiny calls to you. I was proud of myself. I held myself to only one purchase (although it was relatively costly), but considering I had about five things on my list that I wanted to purchase, I was pleased with my self-restraint.

The Fun: I love meeting people that I only know from the internet in person! I had a great time meeting Sarah Mackenzie from Amongst Lovely Things. She has inspired me with her writings about teaching from rest and schole. In case you are curious, she’s just as lovely in person as she seems online. I wish we’d had the chance to sit down and just chat for a couple of hours, but she was busy and so was I. I also got to meet a lot of the writers of curriculum that my kids use. They were all wonderful people who truly are passionate and knowledgeable about their subjects.

The Surprising: I don’t know if it’s because I’m in my seventh year homeschooling or if maybe I’ve found our perfect niche, but the most surprising thing I realized is that we’re doing pretty good. Our curriculum line up, our daily schedule, our reading lists are all in perfect alignment for the most part with the speakers I heard. I found myself nodding my head many times as the advice they gave is the same tools and tips that I’d already learned and implemented. While this was surprising, it was also affirming that we are on a good path for our family and our goals.

The Inspirational: And now for some quotes from the lectures I attended at the Great Homeschool Convention in Fort Worth.

Truth isn’t just a Christian monopoly. Truth can be found in almost any culture because it’s God’s world so truth is there for anyone to find.

~ Martin Cothran

Our job is to provide meaningful education for an unimaginable future. The old model of plateauing in your knowledge has moved to continuous cycles of learning. You cannot memorize your way into problem-solving.

~from Problem-Based Learning Studies for One

We need to cut (subjects) to be more fruitful (in our homeschool).

~ Dr. Christopher Perrin applying John 15:2 to our homeschools

Classical education is messy but the beautiful table (results) that you set will not reflect that. 

~ Classical Education Panel Session 1

The modern mind says life is a scientific experiment. The classical mind says life is a work of art. Your children are images (of God).

~ Classical Education Panel Session 1

Rigor is instruction that requires students to construct meaning for themselves at the outer edge of their abilities and apply what they learn in more than one context.

~ from Adding Intellectual Rigor to Your Homeschool

Listen to and respect the opinions of your child. Give permission to think. Teach them to respect their own opinion and provide the tools to support it.

~ Andrew Kern

In answering the question what are the liberal arts….

Liber means free. Art is the way of making something.

Hopefully you can make your way to a homeschool conference in your area. The inspiration to be found there can be life changing for both you and your students.

Thank you Great Homeschool Convention from all of us in the tree house,

Chelli

Technorati Tags: Great Homeschool Conventions,homeschool conference,classical education,liberal arts education

How a Homeschool Crisis Restored My Sanity

A couple of years ago I had a panic attack about homeschooling. A storm of uncertainty and despair rained down on me. Doubts began to take over my thoughts. Fear began to paralyze me.

“Will my children be prepared for college?”

 “What if they don’t go to college will they be prepared for that possibility?”

 “What if I forget to teach them something they needed to know and it ruins their life?”

“What if we should be studying Chinese like that other homeschool family is?”

“Should I add five more subjects to our day? It seems like we do too little.”

“Should I get rid of some subjects? Our day seems too long.”

Doubts and fear about our homeschool led me to look for new curriculum, imitating other homeschoolers, defaulting to a public school mindset, and questioning everything as not good enough.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore; this line of thinking was driving me insane. Like a dog chasing its tail or a cork bobbing on the water, I had no direction for our homeschool. I had no clear cut goals. I had nothing to direct our studies except external curriculum and comparisons to what others were doing. What do I do now?

Homeschool Mom Confessions Guest Post

I’m so excited to be posting today over at The Mommy Mess!!! I’m participating in Adrienne’s Homeschool Mom Confessions series which is so good and helps all of us realize that homeschooling is has it’s difficult spots for all of us.

As a former teacher and with a degree in education I tend to receive similar comments from people who find out I homeschool, “Oh, well, homeschooling is easy for you then.”

But here’s my confession:

Don’t get me wrong. I highly esteem teachers. They have one of the most difficult jobs on the planet and my teaching experience has definitely made me comfortable with a classroom of children. When you start trying to compare a classroom and homeschool,though, it is like comparing apples and oranges.

To finish reading the rest of my confession just click on the picture above.

Confession is good for the soul in the tree house,

From Type A to Scholé: Starting With the Woman in the Mirror

Check out Exorcising School and Seek and You Will NOT Find for the first two parts of this series.

I’ve always been a pretty self-aware and introspective person, so it didn’t come as too much of a shock that I would need to change some things about myself, specifically how I approach education, before attempting to redirect our homeschool.

My Spirit

I spend most of my energy homeschooling from a place of fear and worry.

Does that sound like something a Christian would say? But, nonetheless, it’s the truth. Fear that I won’t teach them something super important. Worry that my children are behind in math or learning to read. The most convicting principle of scholé or restful teaching is that the “rest” doesn’t mean that you get a good night’s sleep, but  you have complete confidence God will bring you and your children where you need to be. You rest in Him.

If you are like me, you would say that you DO trust God to do those things. But do I really? My fear and worry would suggest otherwise. So the first and most profound change was to pull a Hannah. I turned my children’s education into His hands. I promised to educate them in truth, beauty, goodness, and wisdom as much as I was able and let Him fill in my many shortcomings. I refused to fear how they might fare on a college entrance exam. I refused to worry about what Magpie’s Sunday School teacher thought about her reading level. I renewed my commitment to spend time abiding in His word and petitioning for our homeschool every day. When I stay connected to the Vine, I find that my worry and fear stay away.

My Experience

I would guess that 99%  of homeschool parents were either public or private school educated. My experience of attending public school and being a teacher all helped to solidify what school should look like. And I must fight against it every day. Schools are not known for being places of restful teaching and leisure. Most modern public schools are all about preparing kids for the tests at the end of the year. From day one, teachers push, cram, and shove as much information into a child’s brain as possible so that they will be successful on the test. It is so easy and common for homeschoolers to fall into this mindset: I HAVE to finish this book before the end of the year or they will be behind. I HAVE to get my kids at the same level of achievement as public school kids or I’ve failed. I HAVE to turn in a portfolio or take a test to comply with our state homeschool laws and my child will do horribly if we don’t cover this topic. The HAVE to mindset quickly turns into push, cram, and shove which is the total antithesis of teaching from rest and leisure. I have fallen into this trap so many times that I can’t count them anymore, but none of this is true. When I taught school, and even when I was in school, I NEVER remember finishing a text book in a year, not even math. The teacher might pick and choose things to cover from the book so that we hit things we would need for the next year as time was running out, but do every single page and every single problem of the book. Nope, not once. But when we homeschool, we can finish those things, and if it takes us longer than a year to do it, so be it. Remove the urgency of school from your vocabulary. Change how you view school and never go back! It is not a race to the finish, but a walk through wonder and inspiration.

My Vision

For some reason this has been the most difficult part of my makeover. I had to embrace that I must self-educate along with my children. I consider myself well-educated {college degree and all that}, but I did not feel adequate to providing this type of scholé education, looking and connecting truth, beauty, goodness, and wisdom in all things. The odds are that the average homeschool parent doesn’t either. Thankfully, I heeded the advice of some more experienced homeschoolers.

What I did, based on their wisdom, was purchase a notebook, began to read one of our homeschool books {it was a poetry book}, and jot notes about the book in the notebook. I wrote down connections or ideas I had while reading, always trying to pull out things that were true, good, beautiful, or wise. This all sounds crazy, overwhelming, and time-consuming, but I started with just one book and 15 minutes every day. I’ll work through more books as I can. {In a future post I’ll give a specific example of how this worked out.} I realized that to educate in this way takes time and investment of the parent, so I had to ask myself a tough question, “Is this type of homeschool education worth the investment of the time YOU will need to learn with your children? Are you willing to do that?” Yes, yes I am.

Now I’m at rest about the direction our homeschool is taking, but I’ve got to get the kids on board. Next up, putting scholé into action with the kids by starting with the morning.

Making the woman in the mirror a more rested mom in the tree house,

From Type A to Scholé : Exorcising School

It all started innocently enough. A few whispers here and there. A super long thread from almost two years ago on The Well-Trained Mind forums where I was introduced to the Circe Institute and their ideas about education. Other blog posts where people were discussing teaching from a state of rest and focusing on truth, beauty, and goodness in their school. All of these ideas sounded great, a little pie in the sky, but I felt pretty solid about the direction our homeschool was taking.

Then in February of this year, I panicked about everything I had planned. It simply wasn’t going to work for my kids, especially Chipette. I was afraid that nothing would work. Would I ever get my kids where I wanted them to be? They seemed so far behind where they should be in certain subjects and so ahead in others. It became a cycle of guilt, worry, fear, and immobility. Finally I decided to go back to what had worked for us in the past with Chipette, Heart of Dakota. While she loved it, I suddenly found myself becoming a slave driver, forcing my kids to move along to the next task as quickly as possible so we could get through all of her work. No time to pause. No time to discuss. Get on to the next thing!!! Where I once felt confidence, I now felt fear. My homeschool was going down a path I didn’t want and I had NO clue how to get it back on track.

At this exact moment a new thread popped up on The Well-Trained Mind forums {yes, it’s my one stop daily homeschool encouragement and conference rolled into one!} about the Circe Institute. I paid closer attention this time as homeschool parents talked back and forth about how exactly to find this state of rest to teach from. What did in look like in your home? I desperately longed to teach from a rested, quieted mind instead of where I currently was which was all about a brisk jog around the track instead of a leisurely stroll through the woods. I didn’t want our homeschool to be this way. When I left teaching and chose to homeschool, I envisioned days that were less rush and more discuss. Basically, I wanted it all, confidence my kids were learning and enjoying it, days of leisure and joy, and all saturated in the truth, beauty, and goodness found in God’s word and inspiring people and literature. But first I had to rid myself of the idea of school that had been engrained in my mind from the first moments I stepped into elementary school at the age of 4.

The Greek word scholé, from which our English word school is derived, actually means leisure. Does anyone actually equate our current education system with leisure? I don’t, and I definitely didn’t equate our homeschool with leisure either, but I wanted to. I wanted all of it desperately for me and for my children. Read these words I typed from the Circe thread that I mentioned above as I realized exactly what having a school of leisure meant to me:

It has more to do with MY mindset and attitude as a homeschooler than any specific curriculum or routine. I change from being a teacher who has knowledge to impart or a facilitator of a curriculum that has knowledge to impart into a fellow human being, a fellow learner alongside my child. One who models making connections between literature and life, between beauty and math, between truth and history until my child begins to make those connections for themselves. Instead of teacher or curriculum implementer, I become a mentor for my child in discerning the things that are true, good, and beautiful in our world. My role is one of example in the Great Discussion so instead of being stressed about checking boxes or guilty that my child doesn't know about XYZ, I can teach from rest because I know that what is done in our homeschool is done seeking truth, beauty, and wonder in all things much more than finishing a set curriculum or completing our schedule for the day. It's a great conversation between myself and my children using different disciplines to fuel that conversation, but covering the disciplines is NOT the point of our homeschool. Connecting all that is good and beautiful in the world to all that is good and beautiful in us is the point.

So from that day on I began to seek this for our homeschool. It has caused me to fight against my very own nature of being a list maker, a planner, and a type A perfectionist. It has also allowed me to incorporate the strengths of those things to make scholé work for us. I decided to put my faith in the words of Jesus, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” He promised a life of abundance, and I wanted our homeschool to be an extension of that. I knew what I wanted, but how did I get there? How do I totally transform our homeschool from the ground up into a home-scholé? That’s the topic of the next post in this series, when I have a  panic attack and think I’ve lost my mind.

Determined to establish the abundant life in the tree house,

Dear Me

February 17, 2014

Dear Me,

Yes, the date on this letter is correct, and, yes, it’s me. Or I should say, it’s you writing to you from five years in the future. I know right now you and Chipette are just dabbling in this homeschool thing, basically doing it as a trial run with preschool to see how it goes. I know you’re worried about being solely responsible for her education, you’re concerned that she’ll never learn to read (she will and that pretty nine month old baby you have will too!), and you’re frightened of going against the status quo.

As of this writing, you’ve been homeschooling for five years. Crazy, huh? What started as a trial run has now morphed into a lifestyle that the whole family enjoys (most of the time!). However, there are a few things I want to share with you that you’ve had to learn the hard way over these five years. If you listen, then the future of your homeschool will be spectacular. I know you like lists, so here goes:

1) It All Begins With Me
As much as you don’t want to hear this a lot of the joy and efficiency of your homeschool is going to hinge on you. What that translates into, Ms. Night Owl, is that you need to get in bed at a reasonable hour every night so that you can be awake before the kids and prepped mentally, spiritually, and physically for the day. When you are tired, you get stressed and, let’s face it, a little grumpy. Not a good environment for our little darlings to try to learn in and much more likely that you will take the day off and get behind. So make yourself go to bed, and make yourself get up early. Homeschooling, as flexible and unconstrained as it can be, is still your job, so act like it.

2) Habit Training is #1
I know that you can do cleaning and other chores faster than the kids, but it’s imperative that you train them to help you around the house and make them do it. Get some routines in place NOW for clean up times and don’t slack off. It will save you a lot of heartache five years down the road when you have that ugly “Come to Jesus” meeting where you break down in tears begging for help from these people you’ve allowed to coast because you tried to be Super Mom. Guess what, honey? You are going to fail, so fix it now and be the enforcer.

3) Teaching Individuals
In some sick twist of fate, God saw fit to give you an oldest child who loves experiments, crafts, art, and projects. That’s right, Miss Why-Can’t-We-Just-Read-A-Book-About-It, you are going to have a girl who loves hands on, paint, paper mache, and glitter. Just this year in 2014, you tried to force her into your box. Well, guess what? Now you’re having to go back and purchase the curriculum you should have stayed with from the get go. It’s not certain yet what way of learning Magpie and Monkey (that’s your son) will enjoy, but I can guarantee you one thing, they will probably all be different. That’s not a bad thing, but you need to realize that they need you to teach them as individuals and not force them into a preconceived box that you have for them. However, we are holding out hope that one of the younger ones will devour books like a shark in a vat of chum.

4) A Perfect Curriculum is a Myth
We’ve been on the quest for this holy grail of homeschooling for many years now, but I want to end it before it begins. There is NO such thing as a perfect homeschool curriculum, so stop looking. Stop spending money trying to find it. Stop thinking that every new thing that you hear about will be it. In fact, I’ll tell you what the “perfect” homeschool curriculum is….it’s the one that gets done with the least amount of tears, crying, and drama possible. When you find something that fits that criteria, do NOT change it no matter what other shiny, brand new thing you see. Just say no isn’t only about drugs; it works for curriculum addiction too.

5) Be True to YOUR School
Ahh, the internet. How did anyone ever homeschool without it? I’ll tell you how. They were a lot more content and happy with their homeschools. You love to read blogs. In fact, you’ll have a blog one day, but one thing you need to realize very quickly is that just because Tot Trays or Preschool Busy Bags keep little ones entertained for hours at a time online, it will not work for your kids unless the goal is to have a hot mess in about 10 minutes as they rip everything apart. And those families whose kids are up at the crack of dawn working on Advanced Algebra in fourth grade before helping Mom grind wheat berries to make bread later in the day…that will never be your family. And there’s nothing wrong with that. This is your homeschool, and no one else’s. What works for you, may not work for others, but it doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong or not accomplishing enough. It just means that God is doing a different work in your family than He is in another. So let it go and accept what your homeschool is.

Notice how pretty much all of these have NOTHING to do with the academic side of things! In fact, most of them are about attitude, our attitude. That’s because you are so worried about getting the academic part right that you do a bang up job on it (if we do say so ourselves!), but you’ve really dropped the ball on these other ones that are probably more important than the academics because they directly impact the learning in your home. I’m trying to sort these things out now, but I would greatly appreciate it if you could work on them from the beginning. It will make life and homeschooling a lot easier five years in the future.

Thanks so much,

You

P.S. One day in the future you’re going to think that everything is picked up in the living room floor, but it’s not so don’t leave your son on the floor alone. He almost chokes to death on a fairy charm from Chipette’s necklace. Paramedics are called. He’s fine, but it will haunt you for a long time, so let’s try to avoid that one the second time around.

Check out what the other ladies of iHN would say to their younger selves about homeschooling and life:

Mama Monday: Be a Barnabas!

This week the Gentleness Challenge at the Women Living Well blog focused on our words. For an example of a mom who uses her words well and with gentleness, Michelle Duggar was used. While you may not agree with the Duggar's lifestyle or Biblical views, you have to admit that Michelle is one gentle mom! With all of those children I have yet to see her lose it. But apparently she wasn't always this way. Losing her temper and using harsh words with her children was something that she struggled with as well. One of their family rules now includes to praise your children ten times more than you correct them.

I definitely find myself falling into  "No" Mom mode more than "Yes" Mom mode, but living in a house of encouragement is so much more enjoyable and refreashing for everyone. I enjoy hearing my efforts praised, so why wouldn't my children? But creating an atmosphere of encouragement in your home is like everything else in motherhood, it takes practice and a change in mindset. Here are three ideas to get you started:

1. Look for the Good. It's so easy to fall into the negativity trap that even finding things that we like about our children can be difficult. And if you're not careful it can start to look a lot like whining, "If only those kids would..." or "I just don't understand why they don't...". It is not our natural tendency to praise or encourage, which is probably why God had to command us to do it. Notice that God never has to command us to whine or complain! So change your thoughts and try to purposefully catch your children doing something right. Point it out to them. Make a big deal out of it: clap for them, let them eat from a special plate that night at dinner, etc. But most of all encourage them to be encouragers! Make a family game where you try to catch someone else being good or doing the right thing, then reward the encourager as much as the one who was caught.

2. Be Specific. When we think about encouragement or praise, it's usually something generic, like "Good job!" or "That's so sweet!" But next time expand on that so that your children know exactly what you are proud of them for. Instead of "Good job!" say, "Good job on putting your shoes up. You are really remebering the little things!" Instead of "That's so sweet!" say, "That's so sweet of you to play with your brother when you would rather be doing something else. I know he really appreciates it, and I do too!"

3. Use it to teach. Do you want your children to be kind, generous, loving? Then encourage them when you see them doing those things! Praise is a much more powerful motivator than being griped out. You can use encouragement to teach your children traits that you want them to have. For example, Chipette is a classic first-born perfectionist (just like her mom!). If something is the slightest bit difficult for her or she is afraid that she will fail, then she doesn't even attempt it (just like her mom!). We changed Chipette's math program in the middle of first grade last year. I felt like she wasn't being challenged enough since she's naturally good at math. The first week I was ready to throw in the towel. I even started looking around for a different math program to switch her to again. Every time I pulled out the new math book she would cry, complain, whine, the whole drama-filled child nine yards! But we stuck with it (lots of patient encouragement from me), and the first time she got an entire worksheet correct, then we had a big ceremony that night at dinner where Chipette received the "Thomas Edison Award for Persistence"! Guess who thinks she can do anything now, if she puts her mind too it? An entire lesson on persistence without yelling, threatening, or punishment, just using encouragement!

The more I'm involved in the Gentleness Challenge, the more I see a real transformation occurring in our family. And guess who it starts with...the mom! So now I encourage you to change your family, and change the world, using a lot of gentleness with an extra helping of encouragement.

Time to go encourage myself to do the dishes in the treehouse,

Chelli