Scripture Sunday: Self-Esteem Demonstrated

This is the last post from my self esteem series. If you missed any, here are the links to the others: Self-Esteem Defined, Self-Esteem Destroyed, Self-Esteem Designed by God. I hope you have enjoyed and benefitted from them!

My final post on self esteem is going to be very Bible heavy which is only fitting since my last post pointed out our dependency on God’s word to develop proper self-esteem. Our goal as Christians is to follow Christ’s example and imitate Him in every facet of our life and when it comes to self-esteem this goal should be no different. Jesus’ example of having proper self-esteem is all over the pages of the New Testament. It might take a little digging to pull out how He demonstrated it since that term was not used in the first century, so let’s dig in!

Jesus Demonstrates Consistency in Thought. We talked in the very first post about how important it is to be consistent in our thoughts about ourselves and not let emotions or circumstances rule the day. It should be laughable to even imagine Jesus being concerned about a lot of the things we are: expectations, our appearance, or our past. We know that Jesus was not physically attractive (Isaiah 53:2), He did not live up to the common Jewish expectations of the Messiah (John 6:14-15), and His past was one of poverty (Luke 2:24) and being from the wrong side of the tracks (John 1:46). With all of these strikes against Him how did Jesus manage not to fall into the trap of low self-esteem?

First, Jesus was consistent in knowing His true lineage. Jesus never wavers from His knowledge as the Son of God. Despite being questioned by government leaders (Mark 15:2) religious leaders (Mark 11:27-28), his own earthly family (John 7:5), his followers (John 6:66) his apostles (John 14:8-11), even the prophet God sent to prepare the world for Jesus’ ministry (Matthew 11:2-3). All of these people at one time or another doubted who Jesus was, but Jesus never hesitated. He knew that He was God’s Son. No one could take that confidence from Him.

Second, Jesus was consistent in knowing His true home. He was from heaven and existed before the foundation of the world. He repeatedly tells the apostles that one day He will return to the Father (John 16:28). The apostle John writes of Jesus’ hand in the creation of the universe (John 1:3). But the Hebrew writer sums up Jesus’ creative power and heavenly home best in Hebrews 1:3:

He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, (ESV)

Jesus knew His earthly past did not matter because He knew where He was going.

Third, Jesus was consistent in communicating with God. In case you have never noticed this aspect of Jesus’ character, Jesus was a prayer. He lived a life of continual prayer with His Father. I counted fourteen passages that talk about Jesus praying in the gospel accounts, but I don’t think anyone would doubt that this is merely the tip of the iceberg.  I am certain that what kept Jesus’ thoughts consistent was His active prayer life and knowledge of scripture. If the Son of God needed that close of a walk with God, how much more do we!

Jesus Demonstrates a Focus on Others. We talked in the very first post about how proper self-esteem causes us to turn outward. A misplaced self-esteem, either too much or too little, will turn inward. We can know that Jesus had proper self-esteem because of His focus on others through service, encouragement, forgiveness, and healing.

First, Jesus served. If anyone had the right to make others do everything for Him, then it was Jesus, the ruler of the universe, the only Son of the Almighty God. Yet in John 13 we find Jesus wrapping a towel around His waist and doing a task of the lowliest servant.  When the apostles question Jesus’ actions, he tells them, “For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor a messenger greater than the one who sent him (15-16, ESV). Only someone truly confident in themselves and their purpose could serve others so selflessly.

Second, Jesus encouraged. Instead of worrying if others acknowledge who we are and what we accomplish, we need to take a page out of Jesus’ book. Jesus did not need people to feed His ego or make Him feel good about himself. Did he enjoy encouragement? Of course, He was human don’t forget! But Jesus made it a point to encourage others. In Luke 7, a centurion sends for Jesus to heal a beloved servant, but feels unworthy to have Jesus under his roof. He asks Jesus to heal the servant merely by commanding for it to be done since He has authority over all things. Jesus turns to the crowd and says, “I tell you, not even in Israel have I found such faith (verse 9).” What an encouraging statement for the centurion! He is being held up as an example to others, not for his great looks, exceptional leadership skills, or perfect past, but for his faith.

Third, Jesus forgave. While there are multitudes of passages where Jesus forgives, I want to focus on one that involved a woman who was in the worst possible condition. She has been caught sinning, brought in front of a crowd for punishment, and put on display to test Jesus. I can only imagine how much she wanted to disappear and how horrible she felt about herself. The people in charge want to stone her in accordance with the Law of Moses, but they ask Jesus’ opinion hoping to be able to charge Him with some wrongdoing. And Jesus tells those who have no sin to throw the first stone. Slowly all of them walk away until only Jesus and the woman are left. John 8:10-11 says, “Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more (ESV).”  The only person who was sinless and had the “right” to stone her, but He forgives. True self-esteem looks for opportunities to forgive, not condemn.

Fourth, Jesus healed. Jesus’ miracles had a reason. They were to provide proof that He was who He claimed to be. While Jesus performed most of His miracles in public places with plenty of witnesses, in Mark 1:40-45, He heals a leper, but commands him not to tell anyone, but go to the priest and offer the appropriate sacrifices for his cleansing. Jesus demonstrates with this miracle that true self-esteem allows you to do things without a spotlight. A behind the scenes servant is what God wants in His people. In fact Jesus warned of the opposite attitude when talking about the Pharisees in Matthew 23:5-7,

They do all their deeds to be seen by others. For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long, and they love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces and being called rabbi by others (ESV).

As women it can become discouraging to our self-esteem because we do constantly for others behind the scenes. We do the laundry, cook meals, teach our children, volunteer, wash dishes, wake in the middle of the night to deal with crying babies, create a home for our husband, and as far as I know, there is no paycheck or award for these things. It can ruin our self-esteem if we let it, but God promises that He sees what we do in secret and will reward us (Matthew 6:4).

Jesus Demonstrates His Identity in the Cross. Have you ever heard the phrase, “the crux of the matter”? We generally use this phrase when we are talking about the most important part of something. The word crux is the Latin word for cross. And just like the crux of the matter is the most important part of something, the cross was the most important moment in Jesus’ life. On the cross He fulfilled His purpose and determined His future.

First, Jesus fulfilled His purpose. Jesus had one reason and one reason only for entering this world as a man. He was to die sinless and innocent on a cross for the sins of the world. From the time sin entered the world, Jesus knew He would one day be required to fix what sin had destroyed, to repair mankind’s relationship with God and conquer death. This could only be accomplished with a perfect sacrifice, given once and for all. If Jesus had not possessed proper self-esteem he never would have achieved His purpose. All that Jesus had to do could only be accomplished if He kept who He was in the proper perspective. If He had thought too highly of himself, He was God after all, than He might have considered dying for humans too beneath Him. If He had thought too little of himself, then He might have concluded that He was not the man for the job because God’s plan just wouldn’t work. Praise God that Jesus kept His focus where it needed to be: on the cross!

Second, Jesus determined His future. With Jesus’ death on the cross, He was resurrected to live in heaven again. Paul sums up Jesus’ ministry in Philippians 2:5-11:

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though, he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father (ESV).

Jesus’ proper self-esteem as demonstrated through being a servant, humility, and obedience to God led Him to being highly exalted and esteemed. You cannot obey Paul’s command to “have this mind among yourselves” if you do not work on possessing the self-esteem that Jesus had and God offers to us today.

            When something is very valuable, we say that it is priceless, but you are not priceless, you are worth the ultimate price to God, the price of His Son. So live your lives as women of value and self worth because you are valuable. Not because the world says so or friends say so or the Christian community says so, or your circumstances say so, but because Jesus died and rose to make it so.

Striving to have this mind within myself, the mind that is in Christ Jesus, in the treehouse,

Chelli

Scripture Sunday: Self-Esteem Designed by God

Read the first post, Self Esteem Defined.

Read the second post, Self Esteem Destroyed.

One of my favorite aspects of God’s character is that He is a builder. The Bible opens and closes with this view of God. We meet Him in the first chapter of Genesis building a universe from nothing. The Bible ends with a description of the fantastic home in heaven that He has built for us. God’s own Son is born into an earthly family where the father was a builder, a carpenter. If there is one message that flows throughout God’s word, it is that He can create, restore, and build. This attribute of God is never more apparent than when we submit to His hand and let Him create, restore, and build our battered self-esteem into something truly glorious.

God Created You

            Whether you had a great childhood or a miserable one, whether you are perceived as attractive or unattractive, whether you ranked as a genius by IQ level or below average, you are unique. You have been created, not by chance or evolution, but with purpose and forethought. You are not a glorified “humanoid” or the result of millions of years of refining by Mother Nature. You are created in the very image of God Almighty (Genesis 1:27). As women we are even more unique among God’s creation, not better just more refined. When you read the creation account in Genesis, you will find that we were “created” twice. First, God makes man, Adam. He finds his creation of Adam to be “very good.” But a problem quickly arises because Adam cannot find a mate that is suitable for him. God causes Adam to fall into a deep sleep and then takes one of Adam’s ribs and forms woman, Eve. As women we have been molded by the very hand of God, not once, but twice to become what God needed us to be. You are special, doubly so! There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing about you that God cannot work with and through. As someone once said, “God don’t make no junk!”

God Restores Your Philosophy

            One of the most worthless classes I took in college was philosophy (apologies to all the philosophy majors reading this!). To boil it down, I spent a semester studying men throughout history who tried to figure out the answers to life’s questions, especially the “Big Three” as our professor liked to call them: Where did I come from? Why am I here? and Where am I going?  What a blessing God’s word is to us as Christians because He has already defined our philosophy for us within its pages.

·         Where Did I Come From?  While we have already touched on this, I wanted to give you a nice, succinct answer to this question. You came directly from the hand of God. David tells us in Psalm 139:13-15:

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth (ESV).

God did not stop creating after He made the first man and woman. He was an active participant in your formation and mine. We are His masterpieces; the direct work of His hands.

·         Why Am I Here? While the Bible is full of possible answers to this question, I believe two thoughts sum up our purpose rather well. First, you are here to glorify God. God says in Isaiah 43:6-7, “I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made. (ESV)” I hate to break this to you, but it’s not all about you, contrary to what society tells us. It’s not about your happiness, your bank account, your feelings, etc. It is all about God and His glory. Peter says that our good deeds should glorify God (1 Peter 2:12, ESV). If something is not God honoring, it is not something that we should focus our time and energy doing.

     Second, you are here to complete God’s task for your life. You mission, should you choose to accept it, is to do the work God has planned for you (Ephesians 2:10). If you are a mother, your task is to raise godly children. If you are a wife, your task is to be a respectful wife. If you are a member of the church, then your task is to build up the church. If you have a profession, then your task is to be a Christian influence in the workplace. Throughout different seasons of our life, our work for God will change. But in the end we should all want to meet God and be able to say these words to Him, “I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do (John 17:4, ESV).” Notice what that this verse says when we accomplish our work then God will be glorified. When you try to accomplish someone else’s standard than the glory will not go to God.

·         Where Am I Going? This is probably the easiest question to answer with the most implications. If you are a Christian, then you are going to heaven. Do not lose sight of this goal! When everything seems to be going wrong and you feel worthless, remember that you have been bought with a price and your heavenly home awaits you. When Peter is walking on the water, he is conquering the forces of nature; he is participating in a miracle. Then he starts to look around and stops focusing on Jesus. When we lose our focus of going to heaven, it becomes much easier to fall into Satan’s trap of worldliness and feeling less than. This is not something to be taken lightly. James reminds us that being a friend with the world means that you are an enemy of God (James 4:4, ESV). Your search for self-esteem is not worth your soul.

God Builds Your Foundation

            One of my children’s favorite songs is about the wise man and the foolish man. I’m pretty sure it’s because they get to say “splat” very loudly! But the truth in that song and parable of Jesus is exactly what we’ve been talking about for three lessons. If you build your self-esteem on the shifting sands of society, people, and your feelings, then your life and your faith are probably going to go “splat” at some point. Why? Because you have chosen to listen to the world and others about whom you are and what you should be instead of His word. Listen to what Jesus says in Matthew 7:24-27:

Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it. (ESV)

If your self-esteem is based on how you look, clothing size, your children, your husband, your friends, people in the church, what others think of you, then you have built your self-worth on shifting sand. All of these things at some point in your life can and will be taken from you, then what will you have? We must base who we are and what we do on God’s word or we will not have the abundant life promised by Jesus (John 10:10).

            It has been said that it takes five positive comments to make up for one negative one. Considering all of the negative comments that women encounter about what we should be, how much time do you think we need to spend listening to God to counteract those destructive messages? I would love to give all of you a magical pill that would make it where you would never compare yourself to anyone again, where you would always feel right about yourself, where the past would never get you down, but that’s not the way it works. If you want to base your self-esteem on God’s foundation, then you have to be in the word, constantly, daily. Until His word becomes what you hear in your mind the minute a negative thought about yourself enters it. Until you feel confident enough to serve others without thinking about you. Until you do not hide your weaknesses but use them for His glory. Until you complete your work for the Lord. Please use the scriptures I have referenced in these posts and any other ones you come across in your Bible study to jot down for your edification. Memorize them and use them to battle the world.

Now read the last post in my self-esteem series, Self-Esteem Demonstrated.

Still being worked on by God in the treehouse,

Chelli

Scripture Sunday: Self-Esteem Destroyed

Read part one, Self Esteem Defined, here.

This post is going to be a little different. It is going to be an interactive reading. So grab some paper, a pen, and your Bible, get comfortable and be honest. We’re going to dig out some yucky stuff today!

            It all started in the 1960’s with the feminist movement. Women were told that they could have it all and should have it all, the job, the house, the children, and the husband. We needed to be June Cleaver, Margaret Thatcher and Marilyn Monroe all rolled into one. And women have tried to get it right ever since. However, all we have been effective at achieving is letting Satan destroy our self-esteem through three different avenues.

First, we have been destroyed by our externals. Sometimes I wish I lived in the past when pale skin and curves were considered beautiful. I would have been a knockout! But the standard has changed, tan and thin is in. Holding on to a few pounds after having babies is no longer cool. It seems that every new mom in Hollywood has lost all of her baby weight three months after giving birth. And none of us meet the standard that our society has determined as being “worthy” of admiration and esteem. I’m too tall. You’re too short. You’re too smart. I’m too dumb. If only our house was larger. If only your car was newer. And it goes on and on. If you just change your externals you will like yourself better. So we diet and exercise. We get plastic surgery. We go into debt. Satan laughs at us, and God weeps for us. And everyone is miserable, even those who attain the “standard.”

God never placed this burden on us; we have chosen it for ourselves. In fact God doesn’t care much at all for what you bring to the table. In 1 Samuel 16:7 God reveals how he views you, “But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.’ (ESV)” What God finds beautiful and successful is a heart that is humble, loves Him, and loves others. Solomon called focusing on external things to be “vanity” and “striving after wind” (Ecclesiastes 1:14). Unfortunately, these views are not taught or truly believed by most people, even Christians. I want you to write down on your piece of paper all the ways you don’t meet the external standard of the world in which we live: things about yourself or your life that have always bothered you. Height? Weight? Hair? Eyes? Intelligence? Income? Body type? Now open your Bible and copy Ecclesiastes 1:14 or 1 Samuel 16:7 in large letters over your list. The things on your list are worthless in God’s eyes.

Second, we are destroyed by others. While meeting an external standard doesn’t matter to God, unfortunately it does matter to some people. Women especially have no problem being vocal about how you aren’t living up to a certain standard as a wife, mother, or even a Christian. There is an old saying from elementary school, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” This is one of the biggest lies ever spread on the playground. Words hurt. Words destroy. Words can be full of deadly poison (James 3:8). It is hard enough to battle Satan and his intent to destroy our lives without being co-conspirators! We all need a group of women we can ask for constructive advice about being wives, mothers, and Christians, but unsolicited advice is damaging. I always tell my husband I don’t need anyone to point out my shortcomings to me about my role as wife, mother, and Christian; I have no problem seeing them on my own! Women need other women to encourage and lift them up. I had a woman from church a few months ago comment on my Facebook page that she was very impressed with how well I handled my three children while my husband preaches. I couldn’t believe it! I feel like I fall so short in that area, but that bit of encouragement was a balm for my soul.

Why do I feel so defeated most of the time? Because I look at other families, other marriages, other housekeepers, other homeschoolers, other preachers’ wives, other Christians and I fall so very short of how they appear compared to me. I’m assuming a lot of you feel that way as well. We just aren’t enough when compared to some self-imposed standard. God’s standard is much less restrictive. As a wife, God expects me to respect (Ephesians 5:33) and submit (Ephesians 5:22) to my husband. How that is played out depends upon my marriage. As a mother, God expects me to teach my children about Him and His word (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). How that plays out depends upon my family. As a Christian, God expects me to obey His commands (John 14:15) and teach the lost (Matthew 28:19-20). How that plays out depends upon my God-given abilities and talents. God never holds you up for comparison to someone else. He compares you to His word. That should be a freeing thought! I want you to write down all of the ways you feel you fail as a wife, mother, and Christian. Some of these may be valid things that you need to work on, but most of them are probably in your own mind. Now write across this list Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” God will supply you the strength to meet His standard, but not anyone else’s.

Third, we are destroyed by sin. This is probably an obvious one. Of course we are destroyed by sin, that’s why we need Jesus! But I’ve met people and have been someone who has been destroyed by sin continually because I won’t or can’t let it go. I’ve been forgiven, but I don’t feel like it. I’ve been forgiven, but I don’t feel worthy. Notice all the emphasis on “feelings”; we talked about how destructive those are! There are two ways sin can destroy our self-esteem, as victims or as sinners. There are a lot of victims in the church. Far more than many of us realize. They are generally silent and in pain. They are victims of trauma like gossip, bullying, prejudice, physical abuse, sexual abuse, rape, emotional abuse, neglect, etc. Satan loves to use our victimization to destroy our self-esteem. He loves to tell us that because of our past we will never be acceptable to God or others (shame). He plants seeds of doubt in our mind causing us to second guess everything about who we are and what we do (self-hatred). There are a lot of forgiven, but living in bondage Christians in the church as well. People who logically know that God has forgiven them, but cannot accept that forgiveness because their sin was so “bad.” They just know that God cannot use them or be pleased with them. They have done such terrible things.

God does not hold victims or sinners in contempt. In fact, Isaiah 61:1-4 describes why God sent Jesus to earth:

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion—to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations. (ESV)

Now, take out your piece of paper and list all the ways you might have been a victim of sin and any of your sins that you feel you just cannot throw off. It might be a long list or a very short one. Either way, I want you to choose some of the phrases from the above passage and write them across your list. God wants to use you and build up His kingdom through you. That is why He sacrificed His Son. Do not let Satan determine your effectiveness!

            I know that this has been a bit of a depressing post, but I really wanted us to see the ways our self-esteem is destroyed. However, I want to leave things on a positive uplifting note. God has called us to be lights to the world (Matthew 5:14-16). When our self-esteem is too much or too little, it turns inward, not outward, but chasing after self-esteem through external things, unbiblical standards, or under Satan’s heel are not things God can use to light up the world.  Imagine for a moment that you have two large ceramic flower pots, the terra cotta colored ones. One of the flower pots is in perfect condition not a scratch or a chink anywhere. The other one has definitely seen better days. There are chunks missing out of the sides, cracks running around the top; it is not a pretty pot! Now you place a candle inside of each and turn off the lights. Which pot will give off more light? That’s right; the damaged one. The perfect pot will only shine light straight up which will not be much use for lighting up a room. The broken pot will let the light blaze forth through its brokenness and damage to illuminate every corner. The same is true for us. When we try to make ourselves “perfect” to bolster our self-esteem we become useless to God. He needs our imperfections, our brokenness, and our dependence on Him not things of this world to shine forth.

            One of my favorite passages in the entire Bible is found in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. Satan comes to attack the apostle Paul. He gives Paul a “thorn in the flesh.” We aren’t told what it is, but you can tell it is really doing a number on Paul’s self-esteem and his usefulness to the kingdom. In fact, he asks God three times to take it away. Have you ever asked God repeatedly to fix something that you think is wrong with you? Paul tells us God’s answer, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness (verse 9a).” I hope you hear what God is telling Paul and us. Those things you dislike about yourself, your circumstances, the failings you feel as a wife, mother, or Christian, the shadow of your past, those are the things that God can use. You are just right for God just the way you are!

Up next, Self Esteem Designed by God

Letting His power show through my shortcomings in the treehouse,

Chelli

Scripture Sunday: Self-Esteem Defined

            If you’ve been around children’s sports in the last ten or fifteen years, you might have noticed a strange trend, there is no score-keeping. Kids battle it out for an hour, but in the end there are no winners or losers. Everyone walks off the field or court “equal”. Or take the modern American classroom. Many schools have stopped using the traditional A-F grading scale. Instead, they give children a grade of “pass” or “fail”. That means the A student and the C student both get the same grade.

            So why have we shielded our children from experiencing losing the game or getting a “C” in math?  Self-esteem. We don’t want our children to feel badly about themselves. In fact, that is how our society has defined it. Self-esteem is feeling good about you and what you can achieve. We read books about how to have it. We go to therapy or take medications if we don’t (I am not talking about clinical depression!). You would think in the richest, most free country in the world we would have more self-esteem than anyone else in history.  However, there has been a 400% increase in the use of anti-depressants from 1988-2008. In fact, 1 out of 10 Americans age 12 and older take them, and less than 1/3 of people on anti-depressants have actually seen a mental health professional in the last year (Harvard Health Letter, October 20, 2011).

            While one could argue a lot of reasons for an increase in the use of anti-depressants, I believe our culture has defined self-esteem and the basis for it incorrectly. We need to change our definition to what God requires. God does not expect us to feel good about ourselves; He expects us to feel right about ourselves. Most of the time feeling right about ourselves should lead us to positive thoughts, but sometimes feeling right about ourselves should lead us to repentance. Our self-worth in God’s eyes should be the basis of our self-esteem as Christian women. Let’s compare worldly self-esteem to God’s view of self-esteem.

First, self-esteem should be exemplified by a consistency in thought. Notice I didn’t say a consistency in feeling. As humans, and women especially, our feelings are not a Biblical standard. In Jeremiah 17:9 it says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”(ESV). The Hebrew word used for “heart” in this verse can mean our emotions and feelings. Something described as “deceitful” and “desperately sick” in God’s word is not something we want to heed in our lives! Feelings fluctuate from day to day, hour to hour, or even minute to minute. My husband is always amazed by our daughters’ ability to be extremely upset and sobbing one minute, then laughing and smiling the next!

            If you listen to our culture, it tells you that how you feel about yourself is the most important part of self-esteem, but our feelings will carry our mind and attitudes from highs to lows and back again, day in and day out. We must train our thoughts to anchor our self-esteem so that it is not tossed about by feelings. This is not easy! It requires constant dedication and attention to our moods with Biblical thoughts to counteract feelings. Once you actually spend a day paying attention to the things you say to yourself in your mind, you might be shocked at how much your feelings hurl insults at your self-worth.

            Second, self-esteem should be focused on others. There are two extremes when it comes to self-esteem, those with too much and those with too little. The first group is commonly known as narcissists. These are people who have excessive self-admiration. They are the best. Everything should be focused on them, their abilities, their lives, etc.  The second group has low self-esteem. They feel like they can do nothing right. When something goes wrong, it is always their fault. If only they had been prettier, a better mother, a better wife, a better whatever, then xyz wouldn’t have happened. As extreme as these views are, they have one thing in common. It’s all about me! Either I’m the focus because I’m so wonderful or I’m the focus because I’m so awful. Neither of these views is correct or godly.

            I always say that God is a God of balance; extremes usually lead to sin. This idea is never truer than when it comes to self-esteem. When you have Biblical self-esteem, that confidence flows outward to others. Paul talks about this exact thought in Philippians 2:3, when he writes, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;” (NASB). You might find it odd to read a verse talking about humility of mind when self-esteem is the topic, but the two are completely intertwined. You cannot be humble or serve others if you are selfish. Having too much self-esteem or not enough self-esteem both lead to selfish behavior. Here is a short story to illustrate this point:

Mary is a narcissist. She doesn’t feel like she should have to do anything for the church unless she gets the starring role and lots of recognition. She is so good at so many things that she always wants to be in charge. She shouldn’t have to help clean up! She organized the entire event. Sandy, on the other hand, suffers from low self-esteem. She doesn’t want to help clean up either. Sandy is always asked to do menial jobs like cleaning up the fellowship hall. She knows it’s just because she doesn’t have any real talents. They always have the people without talent clean, so she does as little as she can. Why does she even come to these things? It just makes her feel bad about herself.  Louise has a Biblical view of self-esteem. She enjoys serving in whatever capacity she is asked. She doesn’t necessarily like cleaning, but she does like helping others and the Lord’s kingdom. She knows that she is defined by more than the job she is doing tonight, so she goes about cheerfully doing what needs to be done even if no one thanks her or even notices.

Do you see how extremes of self-esteem lead to a selfish heart and ultimately a “me” focused attitude? We have all known women that fall into each of the above categories. Maybe at times we have fallen into all three of those categories. I know I have! But we should find ourselves becoming more and more like Louise and less and less like Mary and Sandy.

            Finally, as Christians our self-esteem should be found in the cross. This is where the world’s version of self-esteem is most incorrect. The world tells you self esteem is found in externals, looks, children, intelligence, husband, marriage, home, job, etc.  But God tells us that our self-esteem is found in the cross and what it represents. If you want to think right about yourself, you have come to the correct place. The cross will tell you that you are worth more than anything else in God’s eyes. You are worth the life of His innocent Son. The cross will tell you that you are undeserving and a sinner. That you still have things to work on that God wants to perfect in you. You are not better than anyone else. You are not worse than anyone else. You are a Christian woman made to serve a God who wants you to realize that you are fabulous, wonderful, and purchased at a great price so that He can make you into what He wants you to be.

Up next, Self-Esteem Destroyed

Thinking right in the treehouse,

Chelli

Mama Monday: Be Kind to Yourself

Normally, I don't lead everyone around the Internet following a bunch of links on my blog, but today I found an article that says everything I feel about this topic.

As mothers we are usually hard on ourselves about our abilities, our mothering skills, our looks, etc.

But what do your children think about you as a mother?

Please click on the link below to find out.

Your Children Want YOU!

Loving the fact that God knew exactly which mother my three Tree Dwellers needed in the treehouse,

Chelli